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No More Mr. Nice Guy

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And yes, Glover does a valuable job explaining the difference between genuine caring, and enacting “caring” behaviors for selfish reasons. Confidence and self-respect are attitudes towards oneself as a person, not incidental aesthetics of a body you were assigned by happenstance to wear. Live the self-examined life and strive to become the sort of person you yourself want to be, the sort of person you like and admire and are comfortable being around.

Information that does fit our paradigm is magnified by the process, adding even greater support for that particular way of believing. Even though I am sure it is possible to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome without the help of a group, it is the most effective tool I know for facilitating the recovery process.Nice Guys have a difficult time comprehending that in general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. Perhaps the only thing of use regarding Glover’s book is that it consists of a man telling men (or at least, a certain specific subset of men) what they are doing wrong in relationships, and that it is the fault of their behavior and attitudes, and not women’s. I also remind them they weren't put on this planet to meet anyone else's needs (except those of their children). The question I was asked regarded how men can be self-confident when they aren’t a peak physical or social specimen. In other words, fallacious reasoning is easy to get to, yet will kill you less often than delay and indecision.

A pioneer in identifying, explaining and treating the Nice Guy Syndrome, especially as this phenomenon pertains to single men and their relationships with women. When a recovering nice guy begins to consciously do good things for himself, these actions imply that he must be worth something. He claims a paradigm exists, but produced no instrument to measure if it does exist, or what its prevalence or correlations are, or whether his recommended treatment even worked, or how often; again, no study of outliers and the differential causes of them.The effect is an anemic supply of therapists, far below demand, most of which consumed by hacks, quacks, and sub-par professionals. To help Nice Guys decide if they need to set a boundary with a particular behavior, I have them apply the second date rule: “If this behavior had occurred on the second date, would there have been a third?

By contrast, IMO, Glover comes across as a lazy and incompetent copycat, borrowing ideas from Covey, and deploying them poorly. Glover should here cover the distinctions between healthy and unhealthy ideas and attitudes regarding sexuality and masculinity. Therefore, the more dependent a man is on external approval, the deeper he is going to have to hide his sexual behavior. He cites no scientific basis for this concept, as a thing or its cause, nor ever explains what age of children he is even talking about—children change substantially in their worldview and egocentricity as they age, but Glover seems unconcerned with such distinctions, and continually uses anecdotal examples that conflate adolescence with childhood, and childhood with infancy, which is all suggestive of a lack of scientific rigor to anything he is doing here. In relationships, a life–and–death struggle is played out to bounce their fear of vulnerability with their fear of isolation.By learning to approve of themselves, they begin to radiate a life energy and charisma that draws people to them. As long as enough of us live, it cares not what the casualty rate is to get there (to be clear, it cares about nothing, of course; it’s a mindless process, worse even than a sociopath). Though that was written by a Mormon, and drops some references to religious things (as does Glover), none of its advice requires religious belief, as there are obvious nonreligious equivalents to everything in it, e. As another example, Glover insists “these men learned to hide their flaws and tried to become what they believed others wanted them to be,” but what is the difference between “hiding one’s flaws” and actually working to become a better person?

Because it will lead to exactly the same problem he thought he was solving: someone following his advice will expect it to “work,” and it won’t. Only by asking himself what he believes is right, and then doing it, does he become a man of integrity. The premise of this book is that during their formative years all Nice Guys received messages from their families and the world around them that it was not safe, acceptable, or desirable for them to be who they were, just as they were. Milkman is a real and serious scientist: she has an extensive publication history, and holds a professorship in behavioral economics.This controversial e-book phenomenon became a best-seller and landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

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